This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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