Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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