no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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