she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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