I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
