either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
