that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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