well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
