i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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