A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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