I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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