you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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