I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
