You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
and she was petting her beer can
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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