I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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