I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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