yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize