i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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