I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
