Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
