PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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