We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
