We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
