Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
