Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
