So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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