if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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