Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
