i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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