saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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