then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
