YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize