i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
