So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
