I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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