Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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