i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
