Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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