I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
