just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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