Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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