I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
