...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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