4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
