is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
