a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
