oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
