Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
