Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
