i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
