Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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