This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
