Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
