I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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