i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
