Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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