I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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