the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
