end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
