Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
