I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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