At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
