we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
